oh canada...sigh

I never thought much about Canada. To me, Canada was nothing more than that country north of the U.S. which spoke a strange form of English and, apparently, had eccentric outsiders as its citizens. I never thought about it, that is, until I started working at a Camp in Pennsylvania that hired international staff every year. It was then that I first encountered the Canadian rage.

The Canadian rage is what happens when a Canadian feels slighted by the United States or one of its citizens. Imagine how Eli Manning feels trying to measure up to Peyton, and you’ll have some idea of the frustration and bitterness that Canadians carry around in their hearts on a daily basis. Even the British have recognized it. In fact, the British (and its many immigrants) are so aware of it that, upon hearing a North American accent, they’ll first ask if that accent is Canadian. They’ve learned the lesson that Americans don’t mind being called Canadians, but that Canadians will fly into a Canadian rage if they’re called Americans. Which brings up another point Canadians like to make; they’re Americans too. After all, Canada is in North America. Now here’s the thing; I won’t dispute their geography. In fact, I’ve long thought the same thing. The problem is, abroad, Canadians are known as Canadians, and U.S. citizens are known as Americans. I spent two years telling people in the UK that I was from the U.S. or the States, but nobody ever knew what I was talking about. It was only when I said “I’m from America” that people understood. Still, they keep asking me if I’m Canadian. I just give them a knowing smile and say, “American”.

With that in mind, it came as no surprise when, upon checking out the leader board for Hasbro’s “Monopoly Here and Now: World Edition”, that I noticed that Canada had two cities in the top twenty. Hard to believe, you say? Not when you account for the Canadian rage. In fact, go to Google, type in “vote on Monopoly” and some of the first links you’ll come to are links to a network of Canadian blogs, rallying the “troops” (a term we have to use very lightly, since we’re talking about Canada) to go to the site and vote for Canadian cities. Think about it; they contribute nothing to the global economy. Don’t have a single professional sports league that is recognized globally. Offer nothing in the way of protection or aid to developing countries. And don’t have a single textile or agricultural product that can’t be found in several other dozen countries across the planet. Even their flag tells the story. Most flags have colors, stripes, or other symbols which tell the story and significance of the country in which it represents. Canada’s flag has a maple leaf on it…which represents all the maple trees in Canada.

Fact is, Canada is the one country in the world that could sink into the ocean tomorrow and not impact the world in the slightest. We wouldn’t miss them at all. Probably wouldn’t even notice they were gone until Autumn came around and we all started having to order our syrup from New England instead of Canada. And yet they’ve managed to get two cities onto the international Monopoly board? With all of the above noted, I guess it’s safe to assume that Canadians have nothing better to do than sit around all day, voting for their cities on Monopoly’s website.

As I said, I never thought much about Canada until I started having to work with Canadians and had to spend six days a week, for six straight weeks, hearing them wine about America and watching them hang up their flags on “Canada Day” (apparently the day they all get together and thank the United States for winning them their freedom). So my hat is off to you Canada and I send you this note of encouragement; If nothing else, fifty years from now our grandchildren will be able to point to Toronto on an international Monopoly board and say, “What’s that?” It’s then that we’ll turn to our grandchildren and tell them the story of Canada, that other country that sank into the sea.

Incidentally, though Oklahoma City has not made the top twenty, I can at least revel in the fact that no city from the State of Texas has either! Freaking arrogant, know it all, red neck, big mouthed, waste of a state!

Vote for Oklahoma City HERE. : )